The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.28.21

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.28.21

Taped from Jacksonville, FL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur & Jim Ross

Hangman Page v. Brian Cage

Page’s graphic bemoans how he “got jumped by a high schooler” and then right on cue, he gets jumped again by Team Taz before he even makes it to the ring. The Dark Order saves and brawls out with Taz’s guys, but Cage powerbombs Hangman on the ramp to start the actual match. Cage beats on him in the corner and tosses him with an overhead suplex, then hits him with a release german suplex for two. They head to the floor and Cage tosses him into the railing a few times and then suplexes him onto the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Back in, that gets two. Cage presses him over his head, but misses a standing moonsault and Hangman fights his way to the apron, where Cage superkicks him and then brings him in with a superplex for two. Cage tries the Drillclaw, but Page knees out of it and sends him to the floor, but he follows with a dive and Cage catches him. Page escapes that while selling the back and follows with a moonsault to the floor, but he tries the buckshot lariat and Cage catches him with a death valley driver for two. Buckle Bomb sets up the Drill Claw, and that finishes clean at 5:48, ending Page’s win streak. This was pretty much a squash for Cage after the powerbomb on the ramp before the match. ** Not really sure what happened to Cage’s babyface turn that was being teased for the past few weeks.

Meanwhile, the Elite is celebrating in the limo, and Karl isn’t wearing any pants. Kenny wants to stress that he is NOT AFRAID of Jon Moxley in any way. But when Nakazawa accidentally honks the horn they freak out.

Matt & Mike Sydal v. The Young Bucks

The Bucks now have a gold colored graphic, because of course they do. Mike Sydal trades wristlocks with Matt to start, and the Sydals work on Nick’s arm and double-team him with wacky yoga moves. Matt Jackson comes in with superkicks on the Sydals and we take a break. Back with Matt Sydal getting the hot tag and running wild on the Bucks, and Matt hits a brainbuster on Matt for two. You know, there IS something to WWE’s “too many Shanes” policy in cases like this. The Bucks try to set up a Meltzer Driver on Matt, but he escapes and moonsaults Matt Jackson, and then hits both Bucks with a rana at the same time. He goes up for a top rope rana on Matt Jackson, but gets crotched to break it up and Mike comes in. Matt does an AMAZING low blow on Mike, hitting him with a punch to the nuts from his knees and then selling it like Bruce Lee, and the BTE Trigger finishes at 9:51. And then Cutler gives them some ice packs and cold spray to make sure the shoulders aren’t hurt. All action here. ***1/2 Afterwards, SCU interrupts as the #1 contenders, declaring the Bucks to be “entitled, overdressed bitches” and laying out a challenge for the titles. And of course, if they should lose, they break up as promised.

Orange Cassidy v. Penta El Zero Miedo

Penta and Orange have a gloves v. glasses showdown, as Trent sadly fails to catch the shades, but Orange still takes Penta down with an armdrag while his hands are in his pockets. Penta hits him with a tilt a whirl backbreaker and tries an electric chair, but Orange counters out into the THUMBS UP pose, so Penta bites his thumb. Penta bails and Orange tries a tope, so Penta CATCHES HIM IN A PRESS SLAM in an amazing spot as we take a break. Back with Penta hitting a kick in the corner and Orange tries to reverse into a tornado DDT, but Penta blocks with a brainbuster for two. Orange fights back and tries the Orange Punch, but Penta catches him with a pumphandle driver for two. Penta tries to snap the arm, but Orange’s determination to stick his hand into his pocket is TOO MUCH. They trade superkicks and Penta wins that battle and follows with the destroyer, but Orange catches him with the Air Raid Crash for two. Penta beats him down in the corner and superkicks him into the turnbuckle, but Orange fights back with the stunner and goes up with the diving DDT, and then the tornado DDT for two. This prompts Alex to talk trash, but Orange hauls him in and takes him out. And Trent grabs the mic, hands it to Orange behind the ref’s back, and the Orange Punch finishes at 13:12 while Trent keeps Alex occupied. This was a great, action-packed match. ****

Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker DMD celebrates her #1 contender status with Tony.

Blood & Guts PARLEY: The Pinnacle v. The Inner Circle

So I guess they’re having a talk-off to determine who gets the advantage, as we pair off with Sammy v. Shawn, and then FTR v. Santana & Ortiz, and finally Jericho v. MJF, as Jericho does another all-timer fired up promo, promising that the Pinnacle will have to KILL THEM to make them surrender. Still feels weird that they’re doing the WarGames blowoff so early in the feud.

Eddie Kingston v. Michael Nakazawa

Michael is confusedly waiting on a chair with his laptop and headset, and Eddie wants none of this sports entertainment crap. But Kenny Omega comes out and explains the Elite are mad at HIM and they’re sending the goons after him. So Nakazawa attacks with the laptop, but Eddie ignores it and puts Nakazawa down with the backfist and then Pillmanizes the ankle while Omega shrugs it off because there’s other goons. But then Jon Moxley hits the ring and chokes out Kenny, as Eddie threatens a Pillmanizing unless Callis agrees to a tag match next week with Kenny “and the little dipshit with the laptop”. I’m sure the match will be great but I’m really done with the Moxley v. Omega feud at this point.

Meanwhile, Taz points out that Cage beat the #1 contender earlier, so that makes Team Taz #1. So Christian interrupts and points out that Taz is jealous of Christian returning from retirement where Taz couldn’t, and he’s gonna make Team Taz realize that they’ll be better off without Taz.

Kris Statlander v. Penelope Ford

They slug it out to start, but Statlander catches her with a powerslam and follows with a military press. Ford bails to the floor and trips her up on the apron, but misses a kneedrop and gets BOOPED as a result. Back in, Statlander gets distracted by Sabian and this time Ford gets the kneedrop on the apron and we take a break. Back with Kris making a comeback and getting a Blue Thunder bomb for two. Ford comes back with a neckbreaker for two, but she misses the handspring elbow and Statlander gets a wacky suplex for two. Ford gets a spinkick for two, but Statlander hits her with the Big Bang for the pin at 6:35. And oddly, no appearance from Miro. Fun match, kind of sloppy. **

Meanwhile, Preston Vance gets promo time.

Dustin Rhodes, Billy Gunn & Lee Johnson v. QT Marshall, Nick Comorodo & Aaron Solow

Everyone slugs it out and Solow hits Billy in the injured ribs, and Comorodo gets a backbreaker for two and squeezes the ribs. Dustin gets the tag and slugs away on Comorodo, who puts Dustin down with a clothesline as we take a break. Back with Lee Johnson getting a hot tag and running wild on the Factory and a Blue Thunder bomb on Solow gets two. He dumps QT and hits him with a corkscrew plancha, but Ogogo hits him with the LIVER PUNCH OF DEATH and QT pins him at 5:45. I like it, keep building up that punch as a killer! Not much to this one otherwise. *1/2 And the Sons of Gunn hit the ring and go after QT, who runs away to the Nightmare bus, where Cody is waiting for a brawl. So QT runs away to the top of the bus and Cody follows to give him a figure-four on the roof, THE HARDEST PART OF THE BUS. I feel like I could have done without having the “crowd” gather at the bus to chant Cody’s name so we know who the biggest star is.

Next week: Cody Rhodes v. QT Marshall! Moxley & Kingston v. Omega & Nakazawa! Plus Moxley defends the IWGP US title against Yuji Nagata the week after that! I mean…there’s a PPV coming up in May, isn’t there? Are they ever going to start building up a main event for it?

Meanwhile, Kip Sabian finally meets up with Miro and insists EVERYTHING IS FINE, but Miro disagrees and murders him as brutally as promised. “Good talk!”

TNT title: Darby Allin v. 10

Darby grabs a headlock, but 10 overpowers him and tries for a delayed suplex. Darby reverses back to the headlock, so 10 puts him down with a backbreaker and whips him around the ring. Darby clips the knee and goes up for a flying shoulderblock, but 10 just absorbs it and puts him down as we take a break. Back with 10 trying a press slam, but Darby falls on top for two. So 10 hits the spinebuster and follows with a powerbomb for two. Darby fights back with a stunner and goes for the armbar while bending the fingers. They fight to the floor and Darby hits the Dark Order with a dive, which leads to a staredown between the Dark Order and Sting. Ethan Page heads out and runs Darby into the post, however, and back in the ring 10 hits a slingshot wheelbarrow for two. 10 goes for the full nelson, but Darby rips at the mask to escape and then pushes off the ropes and rolls him over for the pin at 11:23 to retain. Didn’t feel like Preston Vance ever offered any serious competition for him but the match was decent enough. **1/4 And this brings out Ethan Page and Scorpio Sky to attack Sting and Darby, and Lance Archer makes the save as I still don’t fully understand what the storyline is supposed to be with everyone here.

The usual fun and breezy show this week, although they need to start focusing on building stuff for the PPV after next week’s Blood & Guts show. Again, too many people doing too much stuff and not enough focus is the main problem.