The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 11.15.86
Today was a big day for me as a man, as I bought my first Three Stooges box set, having never owned anything of their work before. I was always more of a fan of the Marx Brothers for that era of classic comedy, but at a certain point you’ve just gotta branch out and grow as a person.
Anyway, only three episodes of this show left on the Network, and god knows if we’re ever getting more at the rate they add stuff. On the bright side, this show does TERRIBLY on the blog anyway for reasons I can’t fathom because it should be right in the wheelhouse for all us 40-something dads chasing the dragon of our formative wrestling fan years. I don’t pretend to understand the science, I just like to watch wrestling.
Also I feel like I should go back to the point system for fun. Maybe it’s the lack of quantifying my enjoyment or lack of enjoyment of these shows in numerical form that’s the problem.
THE RECOGNIZED SYMBOL OF EXCELLENCE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!
Taped from Glens Falls, NY
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan
Randy Savage v. Koko B. Ware
This is non-title, even for a Hall of Famer like Koko. Savage also has a shockingly subdued ring robe here, as it’s more like a hotel bathrobe with “Savage” airbrushed on the back. You couldn’t even lock a Bedazzler in the dressing room with Liz so she can make you a better one? Savage immediately blitzes Koko with the double axehandle and drops a knee for two, and then chokes Koko out with his ghetto robe. And HOLY CRAP check out the color scheme on Macho here, with blood orange-colored trunks and boots, and blue kneepads! WOW! Why did he never bust that combo out again? Koko gets beat up on the floor for a bit, but makes a comeback with the missile dropkick, which gets two. But then he charges like a complete goober and lands on the floor, but Savage goes for the kill and Koko nails him on the way down. They fight on the floor and Koko runs him into the post, which is pretty spicy for him, and it’s a double countout at 3:00. Savage’s amazing ring gear gets the point here. 1 for 1. However, with his inability to put away a scrub like Koko, no wonder Savage was so pissed off when he defended against Steamboat. Hopefully he won’t lose his temper and do anything rash.
Speaking of Koko, a reader had a comment on the supposed racism of Koko being called “Buckwheat” by Jesse Ventura on the October 25 Superstars show, which of course wasn’t me reviewing it, but let’s hear him out anyway:
Hi I really enjoy reading your reviews on WWF shows from the 80’s and 90’s , it’s great to get your input and options on the
these shows, thanks for putting the time in to all of these reviews.I know you mentioned in your October 25,1986 WWF Superstars show about Jesse comparing Koko B Ware to Buckwheat, I’ve compared Pedro Martinez to Carlton from Fresh Prince,as they kinda look a like , and I don’t see that as racist or demeaning just as I’ve never seen anything wrong Ventura stuff about Koko and Buckwheat a cool character from the Little Rascals , it is no different than that Seinfeld episode were George compares one of his Yankees co workers to Sugar Ray Leonard looks wise and that is what Ventura was doing with Koko and the Buckwheat reference, so I don’t see it being a really big deal if they did something similar today, I found the stuff Lawler was saying about Booker T in 2003 , much worse than what Jesse said about Koko B Ware, but at the end of the day nobody should take this stuff personally as it is just acting and that’s what a heel announcer is supposed to do, I didn’t find anything Bobby Heneen wrong at all because I was smart enough to know that he’s the heel announcer and that’s what a heel announcer job is to be over the top and obnoxious as well as despicable as he can be,,
There we go, racism solved. YOU’RE WELCOME.
Wrestler’s Rebuttal with Ricky Steamboat. Ricky is STEAMED at the way Savage mistreats Elizabeth, and he might just slap the Macho Man the next time he sees it happen. Maybe he should mind his own business given his own marriage record. Maybe Savage will just teach HIM a lesson first about talking too much, huh, Dragon?
King Harley Race v. Corporal Kirschner
Race attacks the Corporal and hits him with a knee in the shoulder, followed by a belly to belly for two. Kirschner makes a comeback with a stupid wind-up Popeye punch in the corner and drops a knee, but then he goes up and flops to the mat with an elbow like a dying gazelle. Even Gorilla is riffing on him for that one. Race also goes up, but he doesn’t miss with a flying clothesline, and the cradle suplex finishes at 2:41. Kirschner was pretty bad here but Race wrecking him with the clothesline and finisher was worth a point. 2 for 2. I don’t know why he switched from the cradle suplex to the fisherman’s suplex because the cradle variation was way more effective.
Hulk Hogan does a rare drop-in interview with Killer Ken, complaining about Mr. Wonderful as usual like the sore loser he is. Also he’s wearing the WAR BONNET and has been passing up autograph signings and making friends in order to concentrate on working out and bending steel bars in preparation for doing it to Orndorff and Heenan’s necks. Man, no wonder Heenan had to wear a neck brace for so long.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Australia, Outback Jack is hanging out with the aborigines. I was hoping Peacock would edit him out. 2 for 3.
Tito Santana & Pedro Morales v. John Jackson & MR. ELECTRICITY Steve Regal
Regal gets a slam on Tito and struts about it, thus living up to his name already because the boots build up a static charge on the mat while rubbing against it. Tito grabs a headlock while the Hart Foundation does an inset promo where they put over Pedro’s burrito-eating prowess but bury him as a potential threat. Jackson comes in and “these two Latins” in the words of Gorilla, work him over with headlocks. Tito gets a backdrop, which is pretty impressive because Jackson is a pretty big guy, and Morales finishes him off with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker at 2:24 and that’s also pretty impressive because, as noted, Jackson is a big guy. That’s good enough for a point, I’d say. 3 for 4.
Meanwhile, Macho Man joins Killer Ken and he’s got his LJN figure with him. He’s got words for JYD: He’s just passing down the road of life and the Macho Man DOESN’T PICK UP HITCHHIKERS, YEAH! Oh you know that gets a point right there. 4 for 5.
Kamala v. Kurt Koffman
Wait, so the Grand Wizard is at ringside and we’ve got Kamala and Kurt Koffman…hang on…what if they were a tag team…I know there’s an obvious joke here. It’ll come to me later, I’m sure. Kamala carries the guy around the ring and chops him, so Koffman runs away and gets some pathetic attempts at offense, but Kamala throws him down and splashes him at 1:00. This guy was a complete pasty geek in every sense. 4 for 6.
The Snake Pit with special guest Slick. Jake ponders the meaning of time, man, it’s really deep, you know? Like how midnight is the end of one day but the start of another one, you know? Well, like Semisonic said, every new beginning comes from some other’s beginning’s end…yeah. Butch Reed also joins us as Slick clarifies that he used the money from selling Hercules to purchase the contract of Butch Reed. Talk about a lateral move at best. 4 for 7.
Also yes of course I love Semisonic, wanna fight about it?
Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. Johnny Mann & Nick Kiniski
As usual Mel Philips screws up Kiniski’s name, calling him “Kininski”. There’s no second “n”! Even Gorilla messes it up. Sheik misses an elbow and Nick gets two, as Gorilla is like “You’re not gonna beat him that way!” Way to put over the young talent. Isn’t this the guy who’s always bitching about people not capitalizing on pin attempts? Sheik suplexes Nick and spits on him, and it’s over to Johnny Mann, who gets nowhere. Volkoff gives him the backbreaker and Sheik puts him away with the camel clutch at 2:30. 4 for 8.
The British Bulldogs & Captain Lou Albano v. The Dream Team & Johnny V
Mel Philips nearly screws up by introducing Greg Valentine twice and yet they didn’t edit it out, which is weird considering how anal about that kind of stuff they usually are. Kid starts with Hammer and muscles him into a snap suplex and Davey comes in with a delayed suplex for two. Beefcake comes in and stomps away on Davey and gets his own delayed suplex for two, but Davey powerslams him for two. The Bulldogs double-team Beefcake, but Davey gets caught in the corner and triple-teamed as he’s over there for FIFTEEN SECONDS and Gorilla is immediately saying that Davey needs to make a tag. Maybe give him a chance to do something! Davey gets a sleeper on Johnny V and the Dream Team comes in to break it up, but the Bulldogs get rid of them, destroy Johnny with a double-team diving headbutt, and then Albano makes the epic pinfall at 3:20 to win the match. You can’t argue with Albano’s workrate here. 5 for 9. Of course, given that the Bulldogs’ career went down the toilet immediately after Albano retired as their manager, maybe they should have asked him to stick around.
Meanwhile, everyone pours champagne on Albano, by which I mean George Steele and Corporal Kirschner. I’m sure he was honored by the turnout. And then Johnny V runs in and shoves the cake in his face because wrestling.
Cowboy Bob Orton joins Killer Ken, who wants to know why he’s now wearing a kilt after turning on his friend Roddy Piper? Orton: “Because I look so good in plaid.” MIC DROP. 6 for 10. Oh, I guess there’s more. Muraco clarifies that they’re not wearing the kilts to praise Piper, but rather to mock him. Oh, well, that makes more sense. Anyway, Piper has apparently been wandering around the docks looking for someone to team with him, putting out the hand for the hot tag and finding NO ONE. Well, eventually he’d find ONE person to help him, and Adrian Adonis only had himself to blame for it.
Next week: A bunch of shit from the sounds of it. Seriously, you’re advertising the MOONDOGS and expecting people to tune in? No wonder Superstars used to make fun of his show and give it wedgies in gym class. I bet even Prime Time could give Challenge a wet willie.