The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 10.18.86
Taped from Rochester, NY
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan
Fun fact: You may have heard about the somewhat famous dark match that kicked off these tapings.
Koko B. Ware v. Steve Lombardi
You might remember this match as well from, I dunno, every house show for the next four years or so? Koko takes him down and does some bird-themed dancing while Bobby notes that he’d like to try Frankie in some Shake N Bake. I don’t feel like parrots would make a very tasty protein, actually. I tried ostrich chili at a fancy restaurant once and that was weird enough for me. Koko gets a hiptoss and fights off Lombardi in the corner, and then whips him into the post on the other corner and follows with a neckbreaker. Speaking of broken necks, the brainbuster finishes at 2:40. He put a little mustard on that one, it looked like, although Lombardi is great at selling that stuff so it was probably just a good job on his part.
WRESTLER’S REBUTTAL: Roddy Piper accuses Muraco and Orton of being “female mosquitos” and thinks Muraco is too fat to be surfing, and finishes with a Punky Brewster reference. Talk about a dated reference that I would never have expected to be relevant again in 2021, but here we are! Also, no mention of Adrian Adonis whatsoever, which shows how fired that he actually was. Crazy to just erase him two weeks after the huge angle.
Meanwhile, Mr. Wonderful visits a salon for some pampering and even steals Flair’s line about “paying more for his shoes than most people make in a year”. And then he freaks out about how they’re not buffing his shoes to his expectations, and ironically they call in “Karen” to take care of the difficult customer. “But Mr. Wonderful, these are sneakers.” This whole thing was weirdly sexual. “Come on, spit it on a little bit. Do it faster!” OK. So. Um. Moving on then.
Paul Orndroff v. Tony Parks
Funny bit as Paul does the Hogan ear-cupping while waiting for cheers, and when none are forthcoming Bobby makes sure to applaud him and then gives him a hug as well. Orndorff with the usual clotheslines and piledriver at 1:20 to finish.
Tito Santana joins Killer Ken Resnick to talk about Randy Savage, but first Ken wants to know what’s up with Muraco and Orton and their manager Jimmy Hart all attacking Roddy Piper. BUT NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT ADRIAN ADONIS, WE CAN’T STRESS THAT ENOUGH. Anyway, Tito accuses Savage of ducking challenges, but as soon as there’s an open slot, he’s taking the belt back. What is this guy TALKING about? You can accuse Savage of a lot of things, but being a closet champion was absolutely not one of them. That kind of disrespect makes me retroactively not like Tito Santana so much now. OK, who am I kidding, Tito’s great. We just had a momentary disagreement there because I’m passionate about the subject of the Macho Man and his Intercontinental title reign.
Dick Slater v. Bob Bradley
We actually get an inset promo from referee Danny Davis, who wants to protest about all the cards and letters that ill-informed fans have been sending in about the supposed terrible refereeing job he’s been doing. You know who the fans SHOULD be writing cards and letters about? JOEY MARELLA. Because he’s the WORST. Slater does some god-awful boring stuff here with a rollup for two, and Bradley comes back and tries a bodypress, but misses and goes flying to the floor like a complete goober. Slater suplexes him back in and goes up to finish with the elbow at 3:00.
The Rougeau Brothers join Killer Ken, having literally exploded out of Canada and stormed the World Wrestling Federation. They’re still undefeated, which by the way was probably a blatant lie at that point but I don’t feel like doing the research. Anyway, they speak some kind of weird foreign language that I don’t understand to say hello to their fans.
The Dream Team v. Jerry Allen & Rick Hunter
Speaking of Rick Hunter, did you know that Amazon Prime (at least in Canada) not only has the full run of Robotech’s US series, but also the original Japanese Genesis Climber Mospeada and Super Dimension Fortress Macross series that Harmony Gold swiped to create Robotech from. The streaming world of 2021 would literally shatter my brain if I had known about it as a child. Allen and Beefcake nearly trip over each other on the ropes while trying something indeterminate, so Hunter comes in and gets clobbered instead, and Hammer drops elbows to set up the figure-four at 2:30. I don’t know if Beefcake or Allen was drunk here or what, but Jerry Allen is usually a pretty dependable job guy and Beefcake is Beefcake so I’m gonna do with Brutus as the culprit here.
The Snake Pit with special guest Junkyard Dog. Jake does a sinister promo about cruelty and pain while wearing a pair of mom jeans and what looks like a Sunday leisure sweater. Real badass there Jake. Anyway, Jake notes that “I know your people are superstitious and afraid of snakes”. JYD replies that he’s only gonna “stay black and die” and threatens to kill Damien on behalf of his main man “JC” upstairs. Well that was a thing.
Sika v. Jose Luis Rivera
Sika throws Rivera out right away and brings him back in for a back elbow, then goes to the nerve pinch. This is so boring that the crowd actually starts a boring chant after 30 seconds, and Sika finishes with the headbutt at 2:05. These are some pretty epic terrible squashes this week.
The British Bulldog v. Rudy Diamond & MR ELECTRICITY Steve Regal
Admit it, every time you hear Mr. Electricity being introduced you’re waiting for Herb Abrams. For completeness sake, because I know someone in the comments will chastise me for not recapping every stupid little bit of the show, Bobby Heenan does something with the Bulldogs before the match in a cutaway segment that goes about 10 seconds and basically makes fun of Matilda. So this is the debut of said dog, here in the golden age of people bringing animals to ringside in a trend that I don’t need to see ever come back again unless it’s Hangman Page riding Hunter Horse Helmsley (RIP) to the ring. Dynamite hits Regal with a nasty snap suplex right away and it’s over to Davey, so Regal brings Diamond in, who is working barefoot here. Maybe Vince thought he was signing Kevin Von Erich and got REALLY confused? Davey hits the running powerslam for one, but Regal charges in to save, so Davey catches him in a fireman’s carry, and then Kid comes off his shoulders with a diving headbutt on Diamond to finish at 2:30. Always love that finisher.
Slick joins Killer Ken, and Ken wants to know where Slick is coming up with all the money to finance his growing stable of wrestlers. Ken wants to know when Slick is going to get Sheik & Volkoff a title shot at the Bulldogs, which of course gives Sheik a chance to rant about the situation again.
Next week: Bob Orton & Don Muraco! Hillbilly Jim! The Natural! Kamala! The Machines go car shopping!
Holy shit this show is descending into B-Show hell at a record pace even by Vince McMahon’s standards of losing interest in a property. Oh well, much like Jell-O, there’s always room for more snark.