The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 04.03.82
Sure, having old Wrestling Challenge on the Network now is exciting, and moving all the content to Peacock is big news, but what about Slaughter’s Privates? Will Slaughter’s Privates end up all over Peacock? Or will they be cut off? The people demand an answer.
Taped from Charlotte, NC
Your hosts are Bob Caudle & The Electrifying Sandy Scott, and Sandy lists a bunch of teams who “won” various “tournaments” around the country.
Sgt. Slaughter joins us and he’s already run Ricky Steamboat out of town, and Ric Flair is next!
Jack Brisco stops by next, accusing Slaughter’s Privates of being STOOGES. Jack is ready to handle Slaughter’s Privates whenever they want.
Jack Brisco & Gerry Brisco v. Steve Sybert & Mike Miller
The Briscos trade off on Sybert and Jack gets an inside cradle for two, and then it’s over to Miller while Terry Taylor joins the commentary team and the combination of Taylor and Sandy Scott make Bob Caudle seem like a coked up Roddy Piper by comparison. Jack takes Miller down smooth as silk and moves into a headlock, but Miller counters him over for two and pounds away with clubbing forearms. Jack comes back with a dropkick and takes him down with a headlock again, then switches off with Gerry for some double-teams and then finishes Miller off with the figure-four at 3:58.
The Briscos join Bob at the desk, and they too are entering all the various tournaments which are totally happening and not at all bullshit.
Tim Horner v. Tony Russo
God, I thought I could escape boring Tim Horner squashes by going back in time five years. NOPE. Horner takes Russo down with a hiptoss and goes to a headlock on the mat. Russo escapes with a full nelson, but Horner flips into another headlock. Russo escapes that with a wristlock, but Horner takes him down with a series of leg trips and gets his own wristlock. Meanwhile, Jack Brisco joins us on commentary, and as usual the top of conversation is Slaughter and his Privates. Man, those Privates are on everyone’s lips this week! Horner does a test of strength with Russo while the crowd of girls shrieks “Let’s go Horny!” It was a simpler time, I guess. Horner dropkicks him down and goes back to the headlock, but Russo escapes with a backbreaker. Hopefully Slaughter’s Privates don’t run down and get Horny! Russo catapults Horner into the ropes and holds him in a unique backbreaker submission over his knees, but Horner powers up and makes the ropes, and then monkey flips Russo, who reverses for two. Russo with a sunset flip, but Horner reverses to a jackknife cradle for the pin at 6:45. This was a pretty good match and Horner was actually showing some babyface fire at this point in his career.
Jake “The Snake” Roberts v. Bill White
Jake quickly takes him down with a chinlock, but White switches out to a hammerlock, so Jake elbows out and they fight over a wristlock before White takes him down by the hair. Jake works the arm for a bit while Caudle brings up the sore spot of Roddy Piper, and Jack Brisco gets about as riled up over it as he ever does about anything. Jake with a short arm scissors on the mat, but White rolls him over for two and drops a knee on Jake’s face to escape. White puts him down with a forearm, but Jake comes back with a backdrop out of the corner and drops a knee for two. Meanwhile Jack Brisco tells the story of how Ric Flair called him up and wanted to team with the Brisco Brothers against the Andersons and Stan Hansen and how honored and excited he was to receive that invitation. Man, this is like a roller coaster of emotions for Jack Brisco this week. I think his monotone almost cracked for a few seconds! Jake with a slam and he works the arm while Jack has to put over his brother’s Junior heavyweight title as being equal to himself as Flair’s reigns as NWA World champion. “OK Gerry, we’re gonna put that Junior Heavyweight title up on the fridge where everyone can see it, right there!” Jake finally has had enough and makes a comeback, then finishes with the kneelift at 7:41.
Jake Roberts joins Bob at the desk, and he too wants to talk about the tag title tournament, but mostly about Sgt. Slaughter. Sarge is not a real man, because a real man doesn’t have his Privates all over everyone. Blackjack Mulligan Jr. stops by and he too wants to get a hold of Slaughter’s Privates.
Terry Taylor v. Rick Benfield
Taylor quickly cradles Benfield for two, and it’s interesting that there’s a definite aspect here that’s missing today: Young stars. They had a vocal contingent of young female fans in the audience, and so we’ve got Tim Horner and Terry Taylor out there shaking their stuff for them. They could even team up, maybe as the Horny Cocks? Taylor works an armbar on the mat and Benfield tries to flip him out of it, but Taylor hangs on and keeps it on the mat. Benfield reverses to a headlock, but Taylor comes back with the abdominal stretch into the pin at 5:25.
Mike Rotunda is coming to Ann Arbor! Did you know that he went to Syracuse? Totally new information here. Rotunda just gives a brutal, stumbling promo, sounding like he’s terrified of spontaneously combusting if he forgets a line. He actually hadn’t technically started his career at this point, coming fresh out of university, but he still looks like he’s 40 here.
The Miserable Angry Bastards v. Tony Anthony & Ron Ritchie
Ole chokes Ritchie out in various parts of the ring and Stan Hansen comes in and drops elbows on him. Ole wraps him up in a hold on the mat and then tosses him to the apron, where Hansen gets some cheapshots and then Ole clubs him some more. Ritchie fights back on Stan and manages to tag in Anthony, but Stan quickly beats the shit out of him with a vicious slam and elbow and Ole tortures him some more. Stan comes in and puts him down with a big boot, and then hits the LARIAT and murders him for the pin at 5:15. Anthony’s dead man sell of that was spectacular.
Ole and Stan head over to the desk to threaten Jack Brisco and give him a warning, but Jack promises that he’s got friends too. Sgt. Slaughter is confident he can beat Ric Flair repeatedly and win the World title. Ivan Koloff is having nightmares about the Boogie Woogie Man, who is apparently living in his head and driving his motorcycle around in there. What is he, Freddy Kruger?
And on that note, we wrap it up for another week.