“Happy New Year, wrestling fans. Welcome to Prime Time on a special Friday edition as we ring in 2021!”
“Hey Monsoon, did you do any New Year’s Resolutions?”
“I have a few, Brain. But what about you?”
“How am I supposed to improve on perfection?”
“Really? Anyway, folks, tonight we ring in the new year with a special SmackDown. The road to the Royal Rumble is in full swing, and we already know Daniel Bryan has put himself in the Royal Rumble match.”
“Do you think the TV monitors can riot if he loses? That’s a pattern, isn’t it?”
“Certainly he’d be a crowd favorite to win the whole thing, Brain.”
“Shows you what those humanoids know. Dude’s under 200 pounds soaking wet and past his prime. I don’t see it happening.”
“Well, it will depend of course on the luck of the draw. When 30 men enter at different times, anything is possible. You would know about how difficult that is, Brain — your men tend to have trouble with the numbers.”
“But you forget, Monsoon: my man Ric Flair entered at 3 and wound up lasting 60 minutes to win the whole thing. It’s not like it’s unthinkable.”
“Well, people have won from 1, 2, 3, and 5 in the past. We’ll have to see what happens this year on January 31 only on the WWE Network. In addition, folks, we’re anticipating the return of the self-proclaimed Messiah, Seth Rollins, to the Friday Night show.”
“Does the Messiah sit at the head of the table? I wonder what Roman would think of that.”
“More to the point, Brain, what does he think of the defection of his former protege, Buddy Murphy?”
“Well, that’s going to be Murphy’s biggest mistake. Seth saw him as family, and let me tell you — you don’t cross Family. When people did that to me, I made sure they paid for it. Seth Rollins is going to make Buddy pay for it as well.”
“Certainly that’s a confrontation we’re all looking forward to. Obviously, we here at Prime Time send our condolences to the family of Mr. Brodie Lee, who tragically passed away on Saturday night. Brain, it’s always hard to lose someone, but in the squared circle, it hurts a little more when they were still giving to the sport.”
“You know, Monsoon, you and I were around for Rick McGraw when he lost his life. Obviously it wasn’t a good time, but one thing about wrestling is the way that, really, the tension softens. There wouldn’t be this outpouring for someone that behaved the way the Dark Order does back when we were running around. I’m sure that’s one way we’ve evolved for the better.”
“There’s certainly something to be said for that, Brain.”
“…of course, nobody really cared for Rick anyway; he couldn’t win a match to save his life, could he?”
“I’ll throw you out of here if you do that again, Brain! Folks, let’s go to the ring for our featured bout. Jack Evans and Angelico, the Hybrid Two, are set to take on the veteran duo of Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian!”
“And don’t forget, Monsoon — if SCU can’t get it done, they’re history. No more tag teaming.”
“That’s right — it’s the first hurdle in their Get Gold or Bust climb to the top. Let’s go to the ring and see how it went.”
(Touch gloves, go to your keyboards, and enjoy the weekend, everyone!)