The biggest episode in ECW on Sci-Fi history starts with…Mike Adamle talking on the mic. Even in the ring he talks with Shatner pauses. He covers his resume (Olympics, American Gladiators etc.) but even with all that he didn’t realise how hard this job would be. He admits he’s made mistakes but asks the crowd to enjoy the episode and thanks them for listening. Like Adamle’s hiring, I don’t know what this accomplished.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox (Extreme Rules)
Stevie Richards is commentating to fill in the mid-sentence gaps in Adamle’s speech. Dreamer has been attacked by Knox several times these last few weeks so Dreamer chokes him with his Blue Jays jacket (like it’s 1987) but as Dreamer goes for the New Jack Bin Of Crap, Knox drills him with a lariat. Knox beats up Dreamer but the crowd are more into the plunder than the wrestlers. Dreamer smashes a paddle but it takes him too long to get the shopping cart in the ring so Knox slams him into it.
Dreamer ignores it (I think he’s resistant to hardcore or something at this point) and gives Knox a shopping cart-assisted Tree Of Woe. Dreamer makes the exact same mistake as before by taking too long with dragging a table into the ring and his bulldog is countered into a belly-to-back suplex through it. Dreamer surprisingly kicks out though so Knox swings a chair and misses, tries to set up the DDT but Knox low-blows to deliver the Hard Knox (called ”The Knox! Knox Out! The Knox Out!” by Adamle) on the chair for the win.
Winner: Mike Knox (Fast-paced simple hardcore match to make Knox look good, shame they didn’t do a recap of the feud or something to give this match purpose for the crowd other than ”yay objects!”)
Extreme Memories: The Sandman destroys a Zombie. What most people remember about the first version of the show. Not a compliment.
Kelly Kelly (”who wobbles like jelly jelly?”) dances until Layla shows up and they fight and get separated by security (who get taken out by Kelly despite her being handcuffed at the time)
Extreme Memories: RVD vs. Hardcore Holly, Gash Match. Easily the best 2006 ECW on Sci-Fi match by default.
Extreme Memories: Roddy Piper shoves a birthday cake into Matt Striker’s face and the Boogeyman worms him. They’re still upset about Lashley leaving so they showed this instead of that half a year he was mega-pushed.
Chuck Palumbo is asked why he’s booked he attacked CM Punk after his match last week. He threatens Punk some more and promises it’ll happen again if they get in the ring together. So Punk should leave him alone then? Great idea!
Kofi Kingston vs. Matt Striker
Shelton Benjamin is commentating (if a fan jumped the guard-rail he’d probably have a shot commentating tonight) and he’s still salty at Kofi Kingston beating him twice. Kofi uses his agility and speed to dominate Striker and somewhere Jimmy the Greek is watching and shouting ”see, I was right!” Striker tries to throw Kofi into the ropes but he bounces off and nails Trouble In Paradise for the quick win. As soon as the bell rings, Shelton runs in and delivers the Paydirt to Kofi.
Winner: Kofi Kingston (Angle advancement but the crowd booed Shelton so it’s working.)
Colin Delaney walks to the ring as the entire locker room applauds him on in a nice moment.
Extreme Memories: The Wrestlemania Rematch between The New Breed and the ECW Originals. Of course it’s wrestling so the majority of the New Breed have left but Dreamer of the Originals is still wrestling. Still, this was a super-powered plunder fest.
Colin Delaney vs. Armando Estrada
This is the first appearance of shirtless Armando and to the surprise of many he’s Jinder Jacked. According to the man himself, he was still working out everyday despite being fully clothed in case they did decide to use him. And what do you know?
Tazz is sweating just looking at him. Colin gets a sneaky school-boy for two early on but Armando biels him across the ring and calls him dumb. Colin powers out of a hold with the power of (mild) crowd response and dropkicks Armando. Estrada twats Colin some more but gets cocky and falls victim to a Sunset Flip to the win and a contract.
Winner and now employed: Colin Delaney (Barely a match but it served it’s purpose. Sadly the crowd weren’t into it as much as you’d expect, probably due to the lack of video package summary for the crowd. Nowadays they’d have something beautiful ready so the crowd would be up-to-speed for a C-Brand storyline. Anyway, Colin gives a speech and the crowd applauds so he can go away.)
CM Punk & Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero & Bam Neely
Miz & Morrison are commentating to really hammer this gimmick home. Miz congratulates Adamle for getting his name right. He’s brought Tazz a new shirt, he doesn’t have one for Adamle as they were out of kid sizes. OH AND WE GET THIS BLINDER that I’d forgotten about:
Morrison: Neely ate seventeen Chimichangas last night…how many Chimichangas can you eat Adamle?
Adamle: I don’t think I could eat one!
Morrison: (flatly) No you could eat one.
Adamle gets flustered and nearly talks over the ring announcers and calls Punk ”The MITB Champion.” Oh and there’s a match. Kane lost to Chavo & Bam last week so Punk’s lending a hand/trying to avoid Chuck. Kane beats up Neely to begin. Morrison: ”Kane & Punk both have daddy issues and need to get out more.” Morrison is killing it this week. Neely has to sell for Punk and he resembles Festus but in a non-ironic way. Chavo tags in and it gets a bit sloppy as Chavo doesn’t want to take an inside cradle. Punk gives him a quick suplex anyway and tries to send Chavo to the outside but Neely catches him. Back from break, Neely is generic-big-man-ing Punk as Morrison & Miz ride Adamle for a bit. They might as well, this match is going nowhere. Chavo takes down Punk and wraps him up in several different ways. Neely stomps away on Punk and I’m begging this match to end as it’s taking forever and Neely is so bland, even blander than Knox when he started. Punk connects with a springboard clothesline on the big lump and Kane charges in. Kane nearly sends Chavo to the outside and I don’t know what happens but Chavo mis-communicates and bounces everywhere.
Punk in and we again get some sloppiness from Chavo as him and Punk struggle to put together a sequence. Neely gets kicked in the head by Kane and Chavo takes the GTS to end this.
Winners: Kane & CM Punk (Morrison said last night was Cinco De Mayo so Chavo may not be in the best of shape and he wasn’t kidding. Hungover Chavo and wrestles-like-he’s-drunk Neely did not make for a good match and it felt like it was never going to end. Thankfully Morrison & Miz saved this on commentary so don’t watch this match, listen to it.)
Overall: The show is better put together than it was pre-Wrestlemania but the main event could do with some new blood that isn’t microwaved-twice Chuck Palumbo and Bam Neely. But apart from the duff main event this was a decent watch, the show isn’t as good as it could be yet. Give it a Rare Candy and we’re good.
I’ve been Maffew and this was typed a week ago so I’m not watching a fucking ECW 2008 episode on Wrestlemania Weekend. Go follow me on Twitter.