The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground S01E15
“An Eye For An Eye”
Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro
Mil Muertes v. Chavo Guerrero
Catrina is missing this week, and even the crowd wants to know what happened to her. Striker sums this up as Mil’s size and strength against Chavo’s “Guerrero-ness”. Yeah. Chavo puts him on the floor, but Mil catches him on a dive attempt and gently runs him into the post before pressing him back into the ring. Chavo dives out onto him again, and they head back in where Mil no-sells until Chavo dropkicks the knee. He goes to work on the knee as this is a real struggle to get anything going with Muertes. Chavo dumps him again and Catrina finally heads down to ringside, but Mil comes back with an electric chair and slugs him down. Clothesline gets two as the crowd is just dead for this. Mil dumps him with a backdrop and Catrina lures Mil over with her magic stone, so Chavo grabs a chair for the DQ at 5:40. And Mil kicks his ass and gives him the Flatliner on the chair, then forces Catrina to give the Lick of Death to Chavo in a very uncomfortable moment, before Fenix makes the save and rescues her. I don’t feel like this will end well for Fenix. Match was total junk, a complete style clash with Muertes stumbling around the ring doing nothing. ½*
Mietras, Black Lotus breaks into a prison.
Dario Cueto has bought new gear for the Crew, and lets them know how proud he is of all the violence they have perpetrated. Their reward? A main event match. However, to stay in the main event, you have to continue impressing Dario, so tonight they have to destroy Sexy Star, Mascarita Sagrada and Pimpinella in a no-DQ match where they only need to accomplish one goal: Hurt them so badly that they never come back. He hates freaks, you see.
Ivelisse v. Angelico
This was supposed to be a rematch from last week, but since Havoc is clearly unable to handle his end, Ivelisse decides to take care of things for him. OUCH. Vampiro: “I don’t think Havoc is really getting that his girlfriend is, you know, a bitch.” Well, love is blind. Ivelisse gets in his face in the corner, but Angelico puts her down with kicks and offers a kiss. Ivelisse escapes from that with kicks and takes him down with a rana, then follows with a high kick and puts her down with a faceplant. “That’s about a $12,000 fall there, if you know what I mean.” Funny line from Matt there. Havoc nails Angelico from the outside, however, and he falls over into a rollup from Ivelisse that gets the pin at 2:40. And she takes full credit for that win. Not much to this one, but it’s a fun storyline. *
Super Fly v. Texano
Wait, if he’s from California, why is he Texano? Vampiro does an interview with him before the match, which is all in Spanish, and Netflix unfortunately does not provide subtitles for. Which is weird, because they translate everything else via closed captioning where needed. Stalemate to start and Texano hits a Rough Ryder for two. Ushigoroshi into a neckbreaker finishes at 1:30. Well that was brisk. *1/2 Alberto storms the ring afterwards in revenge for last week, but Texano runs away, so Patron catches him and beats him down outside the ring before grabbing the bullrope and throwing shots with it until the refs pull him off. Where was this fire when Alberto was in WWE?
Mietras, Cage goes to Dario and demands to be named Lucha Underground Champion. Dario notes that technically Puma is still champion, however, and Cage lost to him. So if Cage can beat Puma next week, then he’s #1 contender, no questions asked. Chavo storms in afterwards and quits, so Dario wishes him the best in his future endeavors. Ha!
Mietras, Black Lotus finds Matanza’s cage, and lets us know that she wanted to grow up and kill Matanza with her bare hands when she grew up. Aw, kids are so cute.
Cortez Castro, Bael & Mr. Cisco v. Pimpinela Escarlata, Sexy Star & Mascarita Sagrada
Pimpi goes for a kiss on Cortez, so he grabs a kendo stick and beats on him, then chokes him down and out of the ring. Cisco goes after Sagrada, but Sagrada gets a headscissors to put him on the floor and follows with a dive, which results in him getting apron bombed. Next up, Sexy Star goes for it and quickly gets destroyed by the Crew with running boots in the corner. They triple-team Sagrada and curb stomp him onto a chair to get rid of him. So Sexy Star is left on her own and she manages to fight them off before hitting Bael with a DDT on the floor. Back in, Castro tries a Razor’s Edge on her, but she fights out of it. Cisco slams her and goes up, but Sexy Star brings him down with a rana for two. And then the Crew just beats her down, but Big Ryck returns with his new eyepatch gimmick, and Star rolls up Bael for the pin at 7:48. **
Some interesting storylines this week, but no good matches, sadly.