I’m getting far ahead on the Observer Flashbacks again, so let’s catch up the RAW reviews since these are all short and boring anyway. Minor note: I’ve now discovered that splitting long posts into multiple pages is a thing I can do, so we’ll try it with this one.
The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – November 29 1993
– Live from White Plains, NY.
– Your hosts are Vince and Bobby.
The Steiner Brothers v. Mike Khoury & Reno Riggins
Scott takes Khoury down a couple of times, then hits him with a dragon suplex. Over to Rick for a Steinerline, and Reno reluctantly tags in. Rick runs him into the corner and Scott wraps him up on the mat and adds a dropkick, then adds the Steiner Screwdriver. Jesus, he’s busting that thing out on a weekly basis on this show. Back to the other jobber, and the Frankensteiner kills him dead like H1N1 at 3:48. Or at least makes him feel lousy for a week.
Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett tries to get a meeting with a talent agency (giving us a cameo from longtime Memphis manager Ronald Gossett) and gets thrown out of the building. Same thing would probably happen if he was trying for a job in the WWE today.
Razor Ramon v. Diesel
I’m pretty sure this would be the first-ever match between Nash and Hall. Razor works on the arm to start, but Diesel powers him down and tries a headlock. Razor gets out of that, so Diesel pounds on the back and gets the running choke. Backbreaker gets two. Sideslam gets two. Snake Eyes gets two. He goes to a bearhug, but runs into a boot in the corner. Razor with a bulldog for two and he makes the comeback, but as you’d expect, Shawn runs in for the DQ at 5:04. 1-2-3 Kid makes the save, and that would be a hell of a tag match right there. Actually, they did have that match on Action Zone in 1994, and it was ****+, come to think of it. This match was less so. *1/2
Bam Bam Bigelow v. John Crystal
Crystal is the jobber who people think is Santino Marella for some bizarre reason. Never mind he’d be way too old now, but he clearly doesn’t have the unibrow! Bigelow tosses him around and goes to a neck vice, then chucks him out of the ring. Back in, more slams and a clothesline, and the enzuigiri finishes at 3:12.
Meanwhile, on Wrestling Challenge, Doink’s promo is interrupted by Santa Claus, who gives him the best gift a clown can get: A midget dressed as another clown. Oh, great, so it was friggin’ SANTA CLAUS who unleashed this stupid angle on the world. I always knew he’d be a crappy booker. So yeah, Dink the Clown is born. No wonder Matt Bourne got the hell out of the promotion.
Vince McMahon is out to award the Superstar of the Year trophy to Bret Hart, and for some reason also brings out runner-up Lex Luger as well. Yes, he can’t even win a rigged fan vote! This, of course, was actually going somewhere. Bret’s speech doesn’t really say too much.
Owen Hart v. Chris Duffy
Duffy attacks to start and gets hit with a leg lariat as a result. Backdrop and he hammers away with forearms, but Duffy puts him down with a back elbow. Owen comes back with the enzuigiri, putting Duffy on the floor, and Owen follows with a pescado, and finishes with a missile dropkick and Sharpshooter at 2:42. Bobby Heenan asks the hard questions afterwards, but Owen just walks away.
Ludvig Borga v. Scott Taylor
Borga pounds him down, but misses an elbow and gets dropkicked. Taylor’s offense all gets no-sold and Borga clotheslines him for a nice 180 sell, followed by a headbutt to put him down again. Torture rack finishes at 2:21.
Next week: Shawn Michaels v. The 1-2-3 Kid! Doink! Crush!
The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – December 6 1993
– Taped from the same place as last week. White Plains, NY?
– Your hosts are Vince & Bobby.
Shawn Michaels v. 1-2-3 Kid
Shawn is of course still wearing the I-C title despite being stripped of it, which marked the first of many titles that he lost without dropping it in the ring. These days he just refuses to win them in the first place. Shawn slugs away in the corner and Kid fires back, and they criss-cross into a great stalemate sequence. Kid follows with a series of kicks to put Shawn on the floor, then follows with a springboard bodypress. He suplexes Shawn back in, then turns it into a bridged german suplex for two and goes to a headlock. Shawn tries a pair of suplexes to escape, but can’t shake him. Finally a third one breaks the hold, but Kid entices Shawn into a chase and then tries a flying headscissors in the corner. Shawn dumps him in a nice bump, but goes after the Kid and ends up taking a bump of his own into the post. Kid follows with a dive off the apron, but Shawn powerslams him onto the floor to counter. We take a break and return with Shawn getting a backbreaker for two. Superplex is countered by Kid with a cross body attempt, but Shawn slams him on the way down and gets two. Backbreaker submission attempt follows, but Kid breaks free and gets a leg lariat for two. They collide for the double KO and Kid makes the comeback, slugging away in the corner. Leg lariat into the corner and Kid goes up with the moonsault for two. To the top again, but a senton bomb misses and we take another break. Back with Shawn hitting the superkick and then going for a Razor’s Edge (complete with mocking gestures), and he actually nails it. That gets two, as Shawn picks him up, and you just know that’s the cue for a run-in. Shawn hits another one and now Razor comes out, wearing the kind of shirt only worn by gay guys or big fat party animals, paired with Zubaz pants no less, and the brawl is on. Double countout at 11:00 or so. Shawn actually gives Razor a pair Razor’s Edges on the floor! And people said this match was DISAPPOINTING? ***1/2 Great piece of business with a hot match and a hot angle to follow.
The Quebecers v. Bert Centano & Mike Walsh (?)
I never know these jobbers names because they talk over the intros. Jacques offers to fight the vertically-challenged Centano on his knees, but the jobber tags out instead. Johnny Polo, meanwhile, gives this match all the attention it warrants by reading a magazine at ringside while relaxing on a lawn chair. Pierre tosses Walsh around and then the short jobber comes back in and gets clobbered. Jacques backdrops Pierre onto him, then a piledriver and the cannonball finish at 4:21.
Meanwhile, Owen Hart promises that soon he’ll have a surprise that will make everyone in the WWF talk about HIM.
Doink the Clown v. Tony Devito
Doink takes Devito down with an armbar and then an STF while Dink frolics in the corner. OK, clearly this isn’t Matt Borne, but he’s not tall enough to be Ray Licachelli yet, so it must be either Keirn or Lombardi playing the clown at this point. Doink with a backdrop suplex and an overhead belly to belly, and he goes to a side headlock. Finally he finishes with the Whoopie Cushion at 5:51 after a boring squash.
Crush v. Tony Roy
Bobby notes that this is a big weekend for Mr. Fuji, because he’s celebrating the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. That’s very wrong, but you have to laugh. Crush’s tights attain a new level of gaudy this weekadding a stylized silver and orange graphic of his name like in the babyface days, but retaining the black and purple color scheme otherwise. Pick a damn color and stick with it! Crush pounds on Roy and chokes away on the ropes, then hangs him in the Tree of Woe for a further beating. Lots of standing around and yelling from Crush here. Crush presses him onto the top rope to finish at 3:54. OK then.
Next week: The Undertaker, Adam Bomb, The Smoking Gunns! Fatu v. Randy Savage!
But before we go, one last piece of business, as Gorilla Monsoon heads out to ringside and finally gets his ultimate revenge on Bobby Heenan, physically removing him from the broadcast position and kicking him out of the building once and for all. And so it’s off to WCW for the Brain. I’m actually kind of sad watching it now, because we know that Heenan didn’t really want to leave and didn’t end up being particularly happy in WCW.
A memorable show with a great match, can’t ask for much more than that.
The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – December 13 1993
– Live from Poughkeepsie, NY.
– Your hosts are Vince McMahon & James E. Cornette.
Randy Savage v. Fatu
So I guess Savage is now officially out of retirement again to build up for the Crush match at Wrestlemania. Fatu slugs away to start, but Savage rams his head into the mat. Well that ndoes nothing, so we get the cool spot where Fatu no-sells it and superkicks Savage in response. Macho bumps out of the ring and they brawl on the floor for a bit, with Savage meeting the stairs as a result. Back in, Fatu drops a headbutt for two. He tosses Savage and hits him with the SHRUNKEN HEAD OF DOOM for two, but Savage makes his usual comeback with a clothesline and the big elbow for the pin at 5:50. Usual Savage babyface formula here, as the people go nuts for him whether he’s trying or not. *1/2
The Smoking Gunns v. Steve Smyth & Jim Massenger
The Gunns hit Smyth with a double legsweep and a Rockerplex, while Captain Lou scouts talent at ringside. Bart works on the arm of Massenger, but the jobber comes back with weak shoulderblocks in the corner. Bart DDTs him and brings in Billy with a top rope bulldog to finish at 2:46. If they were doing the “Which team will Albano mentor?” gimmick, I’m kind of surprised they didn’t go with an obvious choice like the Gunns, rather than the out-of-left-field payoff we got instead.
Last week, Shawn Michaels and Diesel beat the hell out of Razor Ramon.
IRS v. Todd Mata
In a historic moment, we finally see the contents of IRS’ briefcase, and it turns out that he’s carrying Razor Ramon’s gold around with him. Something’s gonna happen to him now, I bet. Irwin with the snapmare and legdrop, and he puts Mata down with a back elbow and drops one. Mata comes back with a sunset flip for two, but IRS dumps him and brings him back in with a backdrop suplex for the pin at 1:43.
Meanwhile, Yokozuna has a nightmare about being nice to kids while working as Santa Claus.
The Undertaker v. J.S. Storm
We take a break and return with UT tossing Storm and sending him into the stairs. Back in, Taker hangs the jobber in the tree of woe and beats on him while the announcers discuss the upcoming casket match between Undertaker and Yokozuna. Cornette’s view: “It’s gonna be bad.” Truer words have never been spoken. Chokeslam and tombstone finish at 1:55.
Jeff Jarrett…now in montage form! Apparently we’ve run out of silly country music promos, so it’s time for him to finally debut next week.
Rick Martel v. Tim McNeany
Martel slugs on McNeany, but gets hiptossed. Bodypress gets two. Martel slams him and stomps away, but the jobber gets two with a small package. McNeany with a sunset flip for two, but he charges and hits boot. Martel with a front facelock and a clothesline, but McNeany catches Martel with his head down. Martel avoids a charge, however, and finishes with the Boston crab at 3:00.
Meanwhile, on Superstars, Owen Hart sits down for an interview with Vince, and challenges Bret to a match.
Bret Hart v. The Brooklyn Brawler
Bret works on the arm while Cornette accuses Vince of always taking Bret Hart’s side in disputes. Oh, the irony. Bret with a bodypress for two and back to the armbar. Brawler tries to slam out to no avail, but goes to the eyes and chokes away in the corner. Slam and he goes up, but Bret was faking and slams him off. Bret drops the leg and gets the legsweep. Second rope elbow gets two. Backbreaker and Sharpshooter finish at 4:15.
Next week: Men on a Mission! Owen Hart! Jeff Jarrett! Tatanka v. Ludvig Borga!