The SmarK DVD Rant for WWE Survivor Series 2010
Live from Miami, FL.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Matt Striker, and Jerry Lawler
US title: Daniel Bryan v. Ted Dibiase
Why hasn’t someone pitched Dibiase & Husky Harris as Money Inc Version 2, I wonder? Dibiase tries a wristlock, but Bryan reverses out to an armbar and boots Dibiase down. Dibiase comes back with a suplex to the floor and pounds away on the apron, and back in for two. Bryan fires back with kicks, but Dibiase takes him down for two, and we hit the chinlock. Standing dropkick gets two. Cole’s constant flip-flopping between announcer and heel is incredibly distracting, as many have noted. Bryan comes back with the kicks, but gets caught with his head down. He tosses Dibiase and follows with a suicide dive, taking a crazy bump into the railing in the process. Back in, missile dropkick gets two. He kicks the crap out of Dibiase and a small package gets two. Dibiase catches him with a clothesline (with a 1.0 Jannetty sell) for two, however, and goes for the Dream Street. Bryan pushes out of the corner to reverse that ala Bret Hart, but Dibiase gets a spinebuster for two. They fight on top and Bryan escapes that and follows with a top rope backdrop suplex. That gets two. Labell Lock is countered by Dibiase into a catapult for two, but Bryan hangs on with another try to finish at 9:56. Dibiase seemed to be coming along great at this point, not sure why they cut his legs off. Good build here, with Bryan’s comebacks getting over huge. ***1/2
The Miz attacks Bryan on his way back to the dressing room and comes to the ring, promising to cash in on the winner of the main event tonight.
Sheamus v. John Morrison
Sheamus pounds away in the corner to start, but Morrison puts him down with a rana, and out to the floor for a dive. Sheamus puts him down with a clothesline (only a 0.6 Jannetty sell on that one) and back into the ring where Sheamus takes over. Short-arm clothesline gets two. And really, his arms ARE pretty short. We get a couple of chinlocks and a knee to the gut from Sheamus, and that gets two. He pounds away in the corner as the crowd is pretty bored (in other words, your typical Sheamus match), but Morrison comes back with a high cross. Sheamus rolls through and powerslams him for two, however. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Morrison counters with the enzuigiri and both are out. They slug it out and Morrison makes the comeback with a pair of clotheslines for two, but he walks into the backbreaker and Sheamus gets two. Morrison counters the Razor’s Edge into a legsweep for two, but he misses a charge and hurts his knee. Sheamus goes to work on it with a pretty great overhead legsnap, and into a half crab. JoMo quickly makes the ropes and gets a rollup for two, but Sheamus goes right back to the knee again. Morrison fights him off and goes up, but Sheamus sets up for the Edge. Morrison escapes and gets a shining wizard…for the pin at 11:20? That was different than the usual WWE formula finish. Matt Striker notes that the lesson is “always fight back against bullies”. Note to children of the world: Do not take life advice from the WWE. ***
Meanwhile, R-Truth offers to help out John Cena in the main event.
Intercontinental title: Dolph Ziggler v. Kaval
Ziggler survives the initial flurry from Kaval and hits the Perfect necksnap for two, and a fireman’s carry for two. Kaval rolls him up for two and gets a crossbody for two, but Dolph takes him down with a chinlock and bodyscissors. Neckbreaker gets two as Cole goes completely out of his way to insult Kaval in whatever way possible. Kaval comes back with elbows and a moonsault press for two, and a spin kick gets two. Kaval goes up to finish, but Dolph tries a TOP ROPE SLEEPER, the most devastating move ever devised. Kaval luckily breaks loose and gets a backslide for two. Ziggler with a fameasser for two (called a Zig Zag by Cole) and the sleeper, but Kaval bounces out of the corner with an enzuigiri for two. They trade rollups for two after a long stretch of nothing, and Dolph gets a second rollup and holds the tights for the pin at 9:39. What a trainwreck. *1/2 Kaval cashes in his title shot, for the IC title no less, and loses. He was smart to bail on the promotion after that, because he wasn’t going anywhere given that booking.
Traditional Survivor Series Elimination match: Rey Mysterio, Big Show, Chris Masters, Kofi Kingston & MVP v. Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Dashing Cody Rhodes, Tyler Reks & Drew McIntyre
When did Chris Masters turn babyface and why should anyone care? Good thing they haven’t run an elimination tag match on the past few shows, because otherwise this might seem boring. Rey starts with Dashing Cody, and gets caught with a springboard kick for two. Over to Del Rio, but Rey takes him into the turnbuckles and brings MVP in. Low kick gets two. Del Rio misses the enzuigiri and MVP gets two in the corner, and over to Kofi. They work the arm, but Chris Masters comes in and stinks up the babyface side. The heels beat on him in the corner and McIntyre puts him down with a short clothesline. Masters tags MVP back in for a suplex on Drew, and the Ballin’ Elbow, but Del Rio trips him up on a suplex and McIntyre gets the pin at 5:35. I just don’t get the petty booking WWE does. Masters comes in with a jackhammer on Del Rio and into the Masterlock, but Del Rio reverses to the armbar at 6:34. Oh no, what team can survive without talent like MVP and Chris Masters? Big Show comes in against Jack Swagger, and Swagger goes to the knee to put him down. This brings Del Rio back in, but Show was only faking and now the heels won’t let Del Rio tag out. Del Rio forces a tag to Drew, and then gives the most awesome smirking badmouth to Big Show I’ve ever seen. This guy is so great. Show knocks him out in response. Meanwhile, we’ve got Dashing Cody Rhodes against Kofi while Del Rio gets helped out, apparently eliminated somehow. Kofi hits Dashing Cody in the face, prompting Rhodes to leave the ring and check his face. Show knocks him out at 10:47. Reks and Swagger double-team Show in the corner and Swagger works on the leg, getting the anklelock, but Show tags Rey in to break. Rey with a high cross on Swagger for two, but he walks into a big boot for two. Rey comes back with the 619, but Swagger blocks it with the anklelock. Rey with another try, but Reks makes the blind tag, and so does Kofi. Kofi with a crossbody for two, but Reks hangs him up in the corner and stomps him. Kofi rolls him up at 15:05, however, making it 3-on-2 for the faces. Kofi backslides Swagger for two, but Swagger catches the wacky kick and finishes with the anklelock at 15:46. Show and Mysterio double-team Swagger, but McIntyre breaks it up and allows Swagger to hit a pump splash on Rey for two. Rey with a rana into the 619, and a splash off of Show’s shoulders finishes at 17:23. Drew is all alone, but a 619 and chokeslam end his night at 18:02. Very fun match, but nothing particularly memorable. ***1/4
Divas title: LayCool v. Natalya
The heels work Natalya over in the corner, but she reverses a double suplex attempt and they head to the floor. Natalya dumps McCool into the front row and tosses Layla onto her. Back in, LayCool collides and Natalya puts McCool into the Sharpshooter at 3:34 to win the title. That was pretty anticlimactic. * LayCool tries the beatdown, but Beth Phoenix returns from wherever she was and makes the save.
Smackdown World title: Kane v. Edge
Edge slugs away and gets a standing leg lariat for two, then slides out and taunts Kane with Paul Bearer’s empty wheelchair. That’s pretty mean for a supposed babyface. Back in, Edge goes to the knee, but Kane drops him on the top and boots him to the floor. Back in, Kane demands the location of Bearer…while stepping on Edge’s throat. Well that’s just defeating your own purpose. How’s the man supposed to talk if you’re choking him? He continues the interrogation, this time while holding a chinlock. Again, that’s a terrible interrogation technique. Where’s someone like Craig Pittman when you need him? Or Ranger Ross? Edge gets a high cross for two, but Kane gets a corner clothesline to kill the crowd dead again. Edge comes back with a flying body attack of some sort for two, but Kane slugs him down again for two. This, notes Michael Cole, was vintage Kane. Yes, punching a guy is apparently vintage. Edge walks into a sideslam and Kane gets two, then goes up. Edge follows, but Kane brings him down with a clothesline for two. Edge comes back with a sloppy DDT (caught in full-on crappitude by the camera, a rare directing misstep by the production crew) but Kane boots him and chokeslams him for two. Edge escapes the tombstone and gets a spear for the pin and the title at 11:52, but the ref waves it off for some reason and then declares that both shoulders were down and Kane is therefore still the champion. That is the lamest fucking finish humanly possible. 1/2*
World tag titles: Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel v. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov
Santino engages in a martial arts battle with Gabriel to start, and Kozlov comes in and pounds on Gabriel. Gabriel comes back with a neckbreaker and Slater adds a kneedrop for two. Gabriel boots him down for two and goes to a facelock, as Nexus does some old school cutting off the ring stuff. Santino giving motivational speeches from the apron is great. Kozlov with a clothesline out of the corner, and it’s hot tag Santino. Hiptoss and headbutt get two, and it’s BONZO GONZO. Santino chases after Nexus, allowing Slater to lay him out for the pin at 5:08. Another lame finish. *1/2
RAW World title: Randy Orton v. Wade Barrett
Cena is of course the special referee, and if Orton wins, he’s fired. You know, if Vince McMahon rented the first season of Oz, he could have stolen half a dozen ideas from Beecher v. Schillinger that would have been a million times better than the crappy way this storyline ended up. They trade headlocks to start and Wade slugs away in the corner, but Orton slugs back, prompting Cena to pull him off. Gorilla Monsoon would be very upset about that. Barrett does his own beatdown, and Cena pulls him off as well. Worst. Referee. Ever. Orton pounds on Barrett and they fight on the floor, then back in where Barrett gets two. Barrett slugs Orton down for two. Big boot gets two. Barrett with a chinlock that Orton reverses into a backdrop suplex, and they slug it out. Orton comes back with the powerslam and clotheslines Barrett to the floor. Back in, the neckbreaker gets two. Barrett comes back with a clothesline and the middle rope elbow for two. The crowd is scary dead, just waiting for the match to end so they can get to the payoff. Barrett with a pumphandle slam for two, and a Bossman slam for two. Barrett takes exception to Cena’s fair counting, and the crowd totally forgets about the match and does duelling chants for the ref. Orton sets up for the RKO and chases Barrett to the floor. Barrett catches him coming back in and gets the Wasteland, but Orton gets the ropes at two. This finally prompts action from Barrett, as he shoves Cena, and walks into the RKO at 15:17. “Cena’s free!” declares Striker, before Cole corrects him and notes that Cena’s fired. That’s this angle in a nutshell: So needlessly complicated that even the ANNOUNCERS can’t keep track of the stipulations. Cena was back by the next PPV as this whole storyline went spiralling into the toilet and Orton’s meaningless title reign was mercifully ended by the Miz the next night. And they wonder why no one buys their PPVs. Orton and Barrett continue to have no chemistry together, especially thanks to Orton’s crappy babyface comebacks. **3/4
Bonus DVD Match!
RAW World title: Randy Orton v. Wade Barrett
From RAW the next night, as the Nexus lays out Orton and injures the knee, but Orton wants to proceed anyway. Barrett goes after the knee, of course, pounding it in a variety of ways, but Orton sends him into the corner. Orton comes back with the neckbreaker, but Barrett gets Wasteland for two. John Cena returns from his firing and breaks up the pin, allowing Orton to get the RKO and retain. However, this allows Miz to cash in…
RAW World title: Randy Orton v. The Miz
Miz also goes after the knee, but Orton clotheslines him out of the corner and escapes the Skull Crushing Finale. Miz hits the knee again, but walks into a powerslam. Skull Crushing Finale gives Miz the title, however. This of course gives the world DEMON GIRL, so that’s worth it.
The midcard portion was pretty fun and worth checking out, but the two main events just killed this show. Recommendation to avoid.